The Botton pincher
A Saturn Herald Short Story by Penny Nair Price June 2020
“The Bottom Pincher.” How a girl saved a bottom pincher’s marriage.
Annie smiled at her boss who was busy behind his desk on her first day in the sumptuous office she was now working in on the twentieth floor of a publishing house in East London. She found that from her desk she could see his face, along with a number of other faces in the open-plan office she was working in as a writer and proofreader – a job which she was most qualified to do.
Christmas soon came upon them and it was at that point that Annie realised that Matt – her boss, seemed to have more than a soft spot for her. As they all walked into the pub opposite the tower where they worked, Matt – sober at that time, caressed her bottom and then planted a sneaky pinch on her bottom cheek. Grateful that she had a good job, Annie just flashed a smile at Matt and continued into the bar where the office party and disco was being held, whereas perhaps a different girl would give his face a firm slap. Her saving grace was that both she and Matt still smoked tobacco cigarettes so it wasn’t long before, after a drink or two, they congregated in a group outside the pub, where partygoers were having a ciggie or vape and she and Matt started chatting.
“I thoroughly hate being married” ventured Matt, his suave and handsome face bearing sparkling blue eyes which danced around as he spoke. “I would love to be single, or more than that, leave my wife and children and venture towards doing my own thing. My wife – she’s a bitch. For example, we had a row the other morning because I used all the hot water in the shower, and she had to shower in cold water – she was so mad with me – what to do?”
Matt’s eyes caressed the whole of Annie’s body, lingering for more than a moment on her still pert breasts. He exhaled, enjoying every moment of his smoking pleasure. “I would really like, for example, to go out with a girl like you, Annie. Would you be interested?” Annie had something of a dilemma in proffering her answer as she had had the hots for Matt ever since starting her job. But she was also sound of mind and knew to rush into an affair rather than a steady relationship was a lottery. She swallowed and smiled at Matt.
“Well, Matt, if you left your wife with no hot water for the shower, surely you can see she would be mad at you. Perhaps next time you can tell her to put the heater on, or offer her to shower first? If you leave your wife and children, you will have to find somewhere else to live, and I can assure you, living alone can be a lonely existence, even with all the pubs and bars and other excitements around. Then think of your children with only a part-time father? You must try to be logical about all this.”
“Annie – if I left my wife, would YOU date me? I would love to get to know you better. We could go and see films, go to the theatre, go for walks…what do you think?”
Matt took a drink of his wine and finally focussed on Annie’s face. His blue eyes were intense with anxious expectation and frustration. Then the pupils enlarged as he yet again caressed her body with an intense examining stare.
“Matt – you’re my boss. Yes, I do fancy you but you are married with children. I suggest you try and save your marriage and work towards a future as a unit. I feel sure, the type of guy you are, if you dated me, you would sooner or later move on to another woman or girl and I’d be abandoned too!”
“Oh, Annie – you’ve got me all wrong. The kind of guy I am? If I did leave my wife and family for you, then I would be solely devoted to a relationship between you and me. I wouldn’t go off with anyone else! I guarantee you!”
“Well, Matt. I have made up my mind.” Annie took a deep drink of her wine and screwed her cigarette butt under her right foot. “I will continue to work for you as I love my job. But no, forgive me, I will not be your girlfriend. Stay with your wife and children and try and find happiness.” She found herself almost in tears as she went back into the noisy pub feeling upset and confused.
On the way home Annie could only think of Matt’s advance to her. Should she have seized the moment and agreed to a hot date with married father of two Matt – the man who made her blush with passion just drifting past him in the office or looking into his deep blue eyes?
The following month a new girl started selling advertising. Jade was young and pretty and clacked about the office in high heeled shoes. She had to deal with Matt on features issues and so would go over to his desk quite frequently. On one occasion she was standing at the side of the desk waiting for him to return from the coffee machine and Annie was watching her as Matt approached. Suddenly he burst into a smile and as he was moving around her to take his seat to behold! His hand caressed her posterior and placed a gentle pinch there before he sat down. Annie averted her eyes afraid that the naughty Matt would see she had witnessed his behaviour and felt her cheeks turn crimson. She looked back to see that Jade and Matt were deep in conversation and laughing together as though they had known each other for years, so clearly Jade was not offended by his harassment.
Annie was pleased in one way as it had been a moment of confusion last month when she had almost agreed to the date, Matt. But now he was at it again with another female…she thought…things happen in threes. Maybe he would try it on with yet another woman before too long.
Perhaps what Annie had failed to see was that maybe Matt’s wife no longer loved or cared for him – maybe she even had a lover on the side! His wife also worked full- time – in teaching. It occurred to Annie that she had missed out on an ideal opportunity to find love with a person with similar interests and goals. And now he was moving on – free to find someone who would respond to a gesture that some women would find distasteful – the “good old fashioned bottom pinch.”
Annie went to the coffee machine and saw that Jade was there getting tea. “Hey did you see what your boss did to me? It’s so funny of him to do that. How does he get away with it?” whispered Jade. “Oh, I guess we’re both old-fashioned as when he did it to me I didn’t react much either.” “Oh! How funny! My club where I go for the publishing industry would never let a man get away with that, and there are some gorgeous guys there. Want to come sometime on Saturday?” “Oh Yes! That sounds nice,” replied Annie.
The next Saturday the two girls went to the Hot Metal club and as well as having a bit of a giggle about Matt, they met some lovely men who were fun to be with and Annie came home with a guy’s telephone number who wanted to meet her the next Saturday. Annie and Jade became friends and when Alison came for an internship at work, wearing the shortest of short skirts with long blonde hair and a passion for pints of lager, the bets were on between them as to when Matt would give her a crafty pinch and chat her up.
When a group of them went to the pub across the road, Matt was keeping so close to Alison that they looked liked Siamese twins. “I think he’ll do it after one drink!” said Jade. “No, after two” suggested Annie. Surprisingly Alison offered to buy around and as a student intern people nearly said “no” but she looked wealthy so Matt went up to the bar to help her with the order and with the drinks and sure enough he had WHT – wandering hand trouble! His hand lingered longingly and then suddenly he made a crafty pinch just as Alison was picking up a pint of lager. Alison squealed and, shocked, spun round with the lager in her hand and it went straight in Matt’s face. But that wasn’t all. “How dare you?” she said and nearly threw another drink at him.
Annie and Jade and the publishing crowd were watching the whole thing and laughed and laughed. Matt brushed down his shirt, jacket, and trousers and tried to shake the lager off his hands.
“Talk about over-reacting! I was just being friendly! Right, I am taking the afternoon off and going home to get cleaned up. See you all in the office tomorrow!”
“Ok, Matt,” said Andy – one of his colleagues. “I will make sure everything goes smoothly this afternoon. “Better have a good story for your wife why you’re home early! Cheers!”
And that dear reader is how “cheeky” Matt managed to stay married with a little help from his “cheeky” staff!