A children’s story with a twist……One of Boris’s Ruminations……Yes that Boris…

Review of The Perils of Pushy Parents – a ? childrens’ book illustrated and written by Boris Johnson (2007) £10.

The nicest kids you ever saw

Were Jim and Molly Albacore

Who seldom made a naughty noise

Or screamed for more expensive toys

 

So opens the saga of the Albacore family

We learn at first the kids are happy enough with TV and peanut butter sandwiches, but then Boris turns….to…..

Was there a thorn, was there a weed in

Jim and Molly’s childhood Eden

There was, I crave your kind forbearance

It’s time to talk about the PARENTS…

 

It seems the father was a bookish swot who wanted to fill his childrens’ brains with Aristotle, Zeno’s paradox, put them down for Mensa, teach them Latin,

 

“we’d rather hoped the BBC

Would hire you as a news trainee,

And after that it’s our intent

To shove you into parliament,

Up the greasy pole – and then

Propel you into Number 10!”

 

Regarding the above quote from the book, Molly’s mum was not  pleased her little girl was made to play the donkey’s bottom in the school Christmas play and the above was the parents’ response – the mother got Molly re-cast as “The Madonna”.  The same mum harassed the football game to get her son Jim on the pitch.

 

Next, “It’s big, it’s brainy, it’s bodacious” were the words to describe the parents’ plan for a party to beat all parties – a ballet to beat all ballets!!

 

I can’t spoil for you the excitement and quasi-sarcastic childish rhetoric and pomposity of this natty little tale or you won’t want to read this rhyming ditty by the current Mayor who seems to suffer from a megalomaniacal ironic sense of the ridiculous and they do say life imitates art and atm – at the moment – Boris rather than his sister, is hoping to be in 10 Downing Street one day.  We can forgive him for getting the gender wrong as he is one of “Thatcher’s Children” and maybe his sister Rachel did get urged to be a  Prime Minister – she currently edits for The mail.

 

The “lonesome” story ends with:-

 

Every child’s a human being

Not a piece of Plasticine…

Loving parents, learn from me..

If your children crave TV

Tell them, OK, what the hell,

You can watch it for a spell….

IF YOU READ A BOOK AS WELL..

(A proper book, you’ll understand,

Like the volume in your hand.)

 

Also illustrated in pen and ink line cartoon/drawings by Boris Johnson – he gets the dimensions right but in typical Boris fashion, things don’t quite add up – as the children and parents in the story look incredibly happy and carefree despite their duel similarities in fighting for what they want and contrasting differences in getting what they think they need or don’t need as the case may be.  We can’t all be the same and vive la difference –  plus ca change, plus la meme chose…..It’s just another piece of magic from the ?inimitable Boris… YOLO!! (find out what it means if you don’t already know!!)

Penny Nair Price