A Hair raising experience – The Saturn Herald

A Saturn Herald Short Story. A Hair Raising Experience. By Penny Nair Price

James did always wonder why his girlfriend’s nervy sister Sue seemed to want to go and freshen up for so long before every supper. Her short hair did not take much cosmetic attention compared to Rachel – his girlfriend’s tresses, which hung halfway down her back and was carefully coloured with a tasteful light blonde hue. The sisters shared a ground floor flat and all their make- up and hair equipment were in the large en-suite bathroom. Sue always seemed to come to the dinner table with a screwed- up blush on her face and her hand surreptitiously fingering her handbag which she placed by her feet when she sat down.

James looked back to when they all sat down to eat for the very first time. Rachel had made a delicious spaghetti Bolognese and caringly dished it out to great appreciation until the sudden moment when Sue raised her right hand above the meal and pulled a huge long hair apparently out of the middle of her food. She held it up above the table running her fingers along it and it was nearly ten inches long and ultimately blonde.

“Well that’s certainly not mine – and a lovely shade of blonde! Glad I didn’t swallow it!”

Rachel blushed deeply. “Gosh Sue I’m so sorry! James – I don’t make a habit of letting my hair get in the food and I always tie my hair back when I am cooking!”

James – so in love with Rachel and still in the first flush of the affair simply smiled and remarked – “That’s not a real hair raising experience for me! Not to worry Rachel, the food is delicious”. But Sue could see he was a little embarrassed and a smile crossed her face and it seemed she was eyeing James in a lovesick way not unnoticed by Rachel who had turned a mild shade of puce.

Sue went to bed that night in the two bedroomed flat with earplugs in so she did not need to hear the heavy sighs, breaths and panting as Rachel and James had a night of passion. After a few nights of this, Sue made another plan to try and stop James being so enamoured with her sister who was enviably much prettier than her.

Again when the three had supper Sue disappeared into the bathroom beforehand with her bag and emerged looking determined and a little confused to take her place at the table. This time it was sea bass with green beans and finely chopped roast potatoes with herbs. Shuffling around in her place at the table and poking into her bag claiming to be seeking a tissue when there were napkins available, suddenly Sue raised her hand up high above her place declaring,

“Rachel – my meal is cooked but you are certainly getting a bit hairy!” she produced yet another hair between the fingers of her two hands eyeing it up closely and declaring “yes – this one is blonde too – at least it seems James is not cheating on you”.

Rachel blushed deeply and looked immediately at James. “Gosh James I am so embarrassed. Do you think I should have my hair cut short like Sue’s?”

James looked studiously surprised and his eyes suddenly shifted to eye up the door to the closet from which Sue had emerged before the meal..he looked for a moment as if he was scheming and plotting an idea of revenge against Sue’s bitchy moments at the dinner table…and the truth is he was…

Next time James came round for a meal and to spend the night with Rachel, he had already brought a huge bag of washing with him claiming his machine had broken down. He had large bath towels and double bed sheets and duvet covers in there and he stood over the machine whilst Rachel let him do his laundry and then begged her to let him put it over each door in the flat to dry quickly with the heating full on. This meant the ensuite bathroom had a large double duvet cover and a man size bathtowel hanging over the top of the door and the door could not be fully closed if people wanted to visit the convenience. Ha! James’s plan was in place.

“What are we eating tonight sugarbabes?” asked James as Rachel went in the kitchen after the two had shared a cup of tea and Sue had just come into the flat after work. James’s eyes hungrily followed his truelove as she went to make supper. Sue never cooked when James came as her cooking skills were erratic and it was not her strong suit so, Rachel made sure she wasn’t at the hob on his visits. James busily explained to Sue that the draped washing around the flat was due to the breakdown of his washing machine at home and that it was so his washing could quickly dry. Sue’s eyeballs had raised to heaven as he had gone through his explanation which was part of his plot to expose her……read on……

“I’m cooking a homemade lasagne with one of my special salads” came Rachel’s voice as she busied herself around the kitchen. Sue heard her call a few minutes later after she and James had watched a regular soap…”suppers up, wash your hands and get ready to eat”. Now was James’s special moment as he watched Sue waltz out of the door towards the ensuite bathroom with her handbag. “Sue – the door won’t close as my sheets and bathtowels are drying over the door”.

Sue just mumbled as she went to apparently “spend a penny”. But James decided to spy on her after about one minute when he had heard the sound of the convenience being flushed. He cocked his head round the door with his phone camera at the ready and saw Sue pick up Rachel’s bathroom hairbrush surreptitiously. She even looked from left to right before carefully pulling a hair out of it and putting it in the top of her handbag. James rushed away so he wouldn’t be caught but he knew then Sue was a bitch – a prize bitch and he couldn’t wait to tell Rachel what he had seen but would she believe him? Yes she would as he had photographed her with his mobile – he just hoped the phone pic would have come out alright. He had to wait for Sue to pull the hair trick one more time.

The three “companions” sat down at the table and James was waiting for Sue to do her “hair raising” trick. Sure enough, halfway through the meal, she began to try and “pull it out” but at the exact same time, James claimed he had to do a pee. In the en suite bathroom he studied his phone and found he had a cool shot of Sue pulling one of Rachel’s hairs out of her brush in the closet.

As he returned to the table, sure enough Sue was remonstrating with her sister Rachel about “yet another hairy dinner” and Rachel was looking very shaken. James put his arm around Rachel’s shoulders and declared “not to worry, I adore your long blonde hair and I’ve got something to show you sweetheart”.

He showed Rachel the pic he had just taken and then called Sue to his side.

“Sue you have got to stop trying to get Rachel into trouble over her cooking and her long blonde hair. Look – here is proof Sue that you are stealing hairs from Rachel’s brush and putting them in the food”.

Sue shuddered with humiliation and embarrassment. “OK I admit it then James. I am sorry. I was just jealous of Rachel and her gorgeous hair and love affair with you”. She wiped a tear from her eye as her face crumpled into a grimace of negativity.

The surreptitious pic he had taken of Sue through the half closed door, pulling one of Rachel’s hairs out of the brush had come out! Hurray! He was raring to go back to the table!

Returning to the table James started on his meal and made small talk with Rachel and Sue. “Wow this lasagne is truly delicious, what’s your secret ingredient?” he smiled at Rachel as his eyes suddenly moved to Sue as he saw her put both her knife and fork down and start her now familiar antic of seemingly “raising a hair” out of the middle of her meal….seconds later she declared, “Rachel, you’ve done it again, when are you going to stop?”. “Oh Yes?” enquired James, “Sue – have you got another hair trapped in your delicious dinner?”

“Yes – just look at it! Here it is! One long blonde 10 inch hair right in the middle of my lasagne. Rachel you must get a haircut darling. You are going to poison me and James someday soon”.

James was so relieved that Rachel replied….”OK Sue I will fill all our empty glasses with a nice red wine and we will sit and discuss”. Rachel had no idea that James actually had a photo of Sue stealing a hair from her hairbrush minutes earlier with the date and time on the photo.

“Yes Sue – let’s discuss” replied James. “Before any of us eat a morsel more see this you two – one at a time though I HAVE put it on facebook too”. Sue raised her eyes to the roof and blushed from the top of her forehead.

James fiddled with his mobile and produced a picture and showed it to firstly Rachel and then Sue. The two sisters looked at each other with daggers in their eyes. The picture clearly showed Sue pulling a long blonde hair out of her sister’s hairbrush and a second one shoving it into her handbag in the ensuite bathroom .

Rachel screamed “Oh my God Sue – did you do this – the three times I have been told my hair was in the food? You better tell me straight! Answer me now!”

Sue’s face crumpled into a grimace and a tear trickled down her cheek. “I was just jealous of you both – and of Rachel’s lovely hair – and you two being so happy with me being so alone….please forgive me…I’m so lonely with you two stealing the scene all the time!”

James smiled and put his arm round Sue’s shoulders. “Look Sue firstly I think you should grow your hair and secondly it’s not fair to blame your sister Rachel for our happiness and her cooking skills by coming up with cunning stunts like this. Thirdly I have a suggestion to make. I have a friend – Richard, who has just been bereaved and he is also losing his hair like a lot of men do. If you would like to meet him, maybe if the two of you get on you can go on a date”.

Sue shrunk down, her head held low and sobbed a little then suddenly her crumpled up face turned into a smile.

“Yes – I have been really mean. I will meet your friend Richard and see if we get on and yes I WILL grow my hair too. And I promise now you’ve caught me out, I won’t do any other nasty things to get myself noticed.”

“Well Sue it’s a good thing James came up with a plan to expose you. I have made an appointment to have all my hair cut off tomorrow. Now your tricks are out in the open I will cancel that!”

James got one girl on each side and they had a three way hug. Who is to know if Sue and Richard hit it off and the dinners together got bigger and less hairy?