I neither have a TV License nor a license to kill!
Jackie Morris Illustrator and children’s writer received threatening letter from the Tv licencing authority and she respond in classic style. Jackie, who travels the UK inspiring people to read books, said she hasn’t owned a television for 25 years.
Jackie Morris has been warned several times that she could face a fine of up to £1,000 for not possessing a licence.
Her brilliant reply lists all the other licences that she doesn’t have – or need. They include “a licence to kill”, with the reasoning that she is “not a member of MI5”.
“Dear BBC,
I recently received a letter from you. Every two years or so I get one. This one suggested that there was an urgent requirement to address the problem of my lack of a TV licence.
I am sorry, but after 25 or more years I still do not have a licence, and now I have run out of patience. I understand your need to ensure that people who have a TV should have a licence for it, but as someone who has been without a TV or the need for a TV for a half of their lifetime I think it’s time you cut me some slack.
I think this and the tone of your letter, and threats of visits, and suggestion that in some way I am a liar is what finally got my goat (I do not actually have a goat either. This is an expression in common usage, although even if I did have a goat I do not believe I would require a licence for it.)
It’s not that I hate the BBC. I love Radio 4 with a passion. I have listened to the radio all my working life, but was given to understand that one does not require a licence for the radio now.
Here is a list of other licences I do not hold:
Amusement permit (Northern Ireland)
Apply for a list of deaths registered in the UK
Apply for a performance licence
Approval for a centre to offer qualifications (Scotland)
Art therapist registration
Become a Green Deal business
Check if you need an environmental permit
File your Machine Games Duty return
Food premises approval (England)
Food premises approval (Northern Ireland)
Food premises approval (Scotland)
Food premises approval (Wales)
Get a licence for a burial at sea in England – I think I might require one of these at some time, but hopefully not for a while.
House in multiple occupation licence
House in multiple occupation licence (Scotland)
House to house charitable collections licence (Northern Ireland)
House to house collection licence (England and Wales)
Licence Finder
Licence to possess or sell drug precursor chemicals
Music licence for theatrical productions
Poisons licence – Hmmmm…. tempting……
Register a house in multiple occupation (Northern Ireland)
Register or renew as a waste carrier, broker or dealer (England)
Road occupation licence (Scotland)
Road occupation licence for building work (England and Wales)
Scrap metal dealer licence (England and Wales)
Skip licence (England and Wales)
Skip licence (Scotland)
Slaughterman licence (Northern Ireland) – See above…. poisons license…..
Street collection licence (England and Wales)
Temporary Events Notice (England and Wales)
I am sure there are many more. I do not have a wild animal licence, or maybe that is a permit? Although I do have a tiger. Neither do I have a licence to practice medicine, dentistry, law.
I do not have a licence to board animals, although several seem to live here. Not working for MI5 I do not have a licence to kill. I do have a driving licence however. And I am hoping to acquire a pedlar’s licence in the near future to peddle books in towns where there are no bookshops.
None of the other boards who administer the above licences have ever written to me threatening to enter my home to discover whether I have in fact, eg been practising art therapy without a license or serving food to paying guests.
Oh, and I don’t have a TV aerial either, though I do have a very beautiful weather vane designed by Karen of Greensvanes. It draws dreams to my house.
Why don’t I have a TV or a TV licence?
Because I read books.
Yours insincerely
Jackie Morris”