“A Humour of Love” – Robert Montagu tells us of his father’s unorthodox lust.

This book, published by Quartet, is the second by Robert Montagu, son of the Earl of Sandwich, with one older brother and four older sisters.  It tells the story of his youth after his mother had left the family with nannies and his father in charge, his mother, married at 18, apparently going to live with a woman.  His first book was entitled “Coming to Terms”.  Neither can have been an easy book to write, but if you read the rest of this article you will see that Robert’s life was turned around and that he is a happy survivor of childhood abuse in his second book entitled as above.

The abuse from Robert’s father who was working in the House of Commons, started when Robert was seven.  The book takes readers up to his sixteenth year, and explains that in his eleventh year, his sisters discovered him taking a bath with his father and Robert thought all the abuse he had experienced would then come out into the open – he imagined, through front page headlines in one of our daily papers.  This did not apparently seem to happen so Robert has written in books about it instead and who can regard this as inappropriate?  Since his father made him lock the bedroom door during some of these scenes of abuse in gentrified homelands on the edge of London, Robert had nowhere to turn and when it first happened, he was unsure as to whether it was acceptable or normal as he was a young boy.

He found himself thinking that he was “standing in for his mother” performing “duties” which were expected of him.  Of course this was not the case.  His father was perverted and cruel and probably had little interest in women, except for childbearing purposes.  Poor Robert!

Once his sisters had discovered some of the details Robert spoke to a Dr but still little was done, as he said in his talk at St Cuthbert’s Church, Earls Court.  He moved on to Eton from prep school and soon began holding counselling sessions for boys who had been or were being abused and as a result got something of a reputation.  A Franciscan monk was employed through the school to help these sessions even though there was a lot of controversy over the issues.  Later Robert claims, after Eton, the same monk tried to start an affair with him, which he firmly refused.

Robert was travelling in Italy at the time, having left school,  and was hopelessly in love with a sixteen year old lady, whom he had discovered through prayer to God and to “the angels” that he would find himself a suitable wife.  Indeed this lady proved to be his saviour and later after 3 years of courtship, they married in secret in Geneva and subsequently had four children between them and now have nine grandchildren.

Robert has worked as a reporter and later trained to be a therapist in child and adult mental health.  He is a tall man with a straight back, lots of hair which is grey and enticingly mischievous intelligent beady blue eyes. He has a healthy appearance and seems unbowed by his story which he wants people to know.  He made no short shrift of the fact that his upbringing was financially entirely privileged with money never being a problem, nor space, but readers can only applaud him that the story of his father’s wrongdoing to him has come to light, and there were plenty of people at St Cuthbert’s, Earls Court on Wednesday 21 October 2015 to listen to his story, along with an offering of  tasty vegetarian curry and wine.

The Heal for Life Foundation www.healforlife.org.uk is a network which helps to heal survivors of childhood trauma and abuse. Their admin office is based in Kent on 01233n81343. Email admin@healforlife.org.uk.  Patrons are Lady Williams and Baroness Howarth.

Penny Nair Price